Sunday, January 24, 2010

Zenith Comics Universe: Golden Lies

The following is a transcript from a late November 1983 broadcast of “The Nightowl” radio talk show on WMSH 1460 AM in Capitol City. The interviewer is right-winged host , Jack Porter.


Porter: (Slightly monotone voice) Joining us in the studio this hour is Robert Hoyt, who has written a book entitled “Golden Lies: A True History of the Golden Age of Heroes”. A book that… well.. a book that takes everything you thought you knew about the Golden Age and turns it on its’ ear. That about sum it up right Bob?

Hoyt: (Nervous) Yes Jack, that’s about the long and the short of it.

Porter: (matter of factly) So Sun Man was a homosexual?

Hoyt: That’s correct.

Porter: Dr. Dynamite was assassinated on purpose?

Hoyt: Yes

Porter: Supergang and the Sentinels fought the Swastika Seven together… (nonchalantly) well we’ve all heard that one before…

Hoyt: (laughs a bit) Yes one of the worst kept secrets of the…

Porter: (Interrupting him) Ubermann was created by Doc Titan’s brother and was brought to America after the war?

Hoyt: Yes (swallows as if setting himself) Piter Titansky was trapped in Poland where he lived with their mother after the divorce in 1928, while Phineas…

Porter: (Cutting him off) But here’s the biggest bombshell of the book… There was no Castle Fear? Are you listening friends. The Victory Squad never fought at Castle Fear and … hang on to your seats on this one… They were killed in Berlin fighting Ubermann over Hitler’s bunker! Can you believe that!?

Hyot: (Hesitant sensing a trap) Yes… that’s true Jack…

Porter: (Not stopping) And they were all killed! Major Victory? Killed there. Kid Victory? Yup! Spangle? (speaks staccato) Torn in half by Uberfrau. (back to normal) That’s right!

Hoyt: This was all seen…

Porter: (still going) And Lady America! That’s right, our own beloved Lady A was killed as well. (goes deep serious voice) Think about this for a second. (pause) Lady America. Dead in 1945. So who has been running around as her since then?

Hoyt: Well they…

Porter: (Explosively interrupting) A succession of replacement women! Trained for the job and surgically altered to look just like the original! Can you believe it listeners?

Hoyt: (Emphatically) Yes Jack! And this is all true!

Porter: So why not have the other three, Major Victory and Kid Victory? And the girl, Spangle? Why not have them running around too? Why create this whole Castle Fear story?

Hoyt: (Sheepishly) That I don’t know Jack.

Porter: (Decidedly) You don’t know. (sighs) You just don’t know.

Hoyt: The rest of this information comes from a good source though! I…

Porter: (Interrupting aggressively) Your source was none other than Lady America herself!

Hoyt: (Triumphantly) That’s right!

Porter: (Condescendingly) In 1982! 1982! Everyone knows that was not really Lady America at all! That was an evil clone! Set loose by the Citadel no-less! And you expect us to believe anything this woman had to say?

Hoyt: (Fighting back but not strong) What… what about the Russian soldier who witnessed the fight in Berlin?

Porter: (Dismissive) A Commie soldier? What are you crazy? Those pinkos would say anything to discredit our great nation, especially in our greatest victory! Poppycock!

Hoyt: (almost a mewling sound) But you don’t… I need to…

::Microphone Feedback::

Porter: That’s it! I’ve cut off your microphone! Now I want security to get this lunatic out of the station right now! We gotta go to break! (Yelling away from mic) GET SECURITY IN HERE!


It should be noted that Robert Hoyt committed suicide three weeks later when the publisher of this book, Heritage Press, refused to pay him for the book, leaving him penniless.

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